It Goes Around
Break the cycle
Date: 8/5/2011 7:35:56 PM ( 21 mon ) ... viewed 535 times
Having been involved with domestic violence and abuse, on one level or another, for the past 30 years, it never ceases to amaze me at how thoroughly ignorant General Johnny Public is about this epidemic. The more prevalent domestic violence and abuse becomes, the more blind, deaf, and dumb the public seems to become. With specific regard to breaking the cycle, there is nothing more glaring than the statistical facts - facts which are amassed by emergency rooms, primary care physicians, law enforcement, etc., only because they have been reported. The violence that goes on behind closed doors and is never reported is likely double that which the current stats support.
What the General Public needs is cold, hard reality and to understand that there really are people out there who have no redeeming qualities. What these people represent are the worst that our collapsing culture has to offer because they don't have a single excuse or reason for the damage that they deliberately inflict upon other human beings without remorse, pity, or conscience. There is no rational explanation for why these people continue this cycle, and most will never seek to alter their behaviors and stand accountable for what they've done to those who have tried to love them.
In my own situation, the former abuser and I produced two offspring - one was diagnosed a sociopath, and the other was groomed to be the "perfect victim," and is currently engaging in counseling ostensibly to address his depression. He wants drugs to manage the depression, but the depression is a symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and Stockholm Syndrome. When their father passed, the eldest son took all of the survivor's benefits that were forthcoming from the agency where their father had worked. At the time, he was 24 and his brother had just turned 18. The sociopath son told his brother that he had "found" a "notarized Will" naming him (sociopath) as the Executor. The sociopath son did a stint in the US Army and spent every day of his enlistment at Walter Reed Army Medical Center being evaluated - he fabricated and forged military documentation and service awards (including the Bronze Star) and I found the physical evidence to prove it. To this day, the sociopath son still presents himself as a "Decorated Combat Veteran" and people fall for his lies because they vehemently choose to believe that nobody would dare to impersonate a combat veteran, especially one who presents himself as a "Good Christian." This caused me to believe that any "Will" that the sociopath had found had also been fabricated and forged for his benefit, and he told his younger brother that an Executor was the legal term for "beneficiary" and that he (sociopath) was entitled to all of the funds. He purchased a house, in cash, and "invested" his younger brother's share in various motor vehicles - motorcycles, Lincoln luxury cars, etc. Today, the younger brother is living with me and my husband, and he is in suffering one of the most severe cases of Stockholm Syndrome I've seen, yet.
The point of this disclosure is just this: children raised in an environment of domestic violence and abuse rarely Survive and realize their true potential. In my eldest son's case, he has been married, twice, divorced, twice, beat both wives (the first wife was nearly choked to death when she was 4 months pregnant), and hasn't worked a legitimate job in 6 years. My youngest son is talented, gifted, intelligent, and sensitive and has agreed that he should get into the medical field (where he cannot compete) because being an artist is a "waste of time" and that "the world doesn't recognize creativity, anymore."
I should have run when I suspected that the former abuser was warped, but I was afraid of having "failed," and believed that he would certainly want to change if I just loved him enough. Nothing changes a leopard's spots - not love, not money, not sex, not religion, not status, not celebrity.......nothing. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20, and playing the "what if?" game is not productive, at all. For me, I've chosen to treat my experiences as just that: experiences that served to help me become who I am, today, and where I'm going, tomorrow. I wish that I hadn't allowed myself to fall for the former abuser, but I did, and that's that. I lost everything tangible when I left, including my sons. But, I saved my soul from complete ruin, and struggled back onto my feet, even when I wanted to throw in the towel and roll over to die. If I can do it, anyone can - it just takes being sick and tired of being sick and tired.
If you're in an abusive situation, please, read some of the posts in the Abuse Forum and visit www.ndvh.org and www.lovefraud.com. Learn everything you can about what abuse is and how you have the power to stop the cycle from coming back around onto your children. If for no other reason than the innocence of a child being ripped to shreds, seek help to EXIT an abusive and/or violent relationship. It never, ever, ever, ever gets better, amen. It only gets more violent, more perverse, and more dehumanizing.
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