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Entitlement
Domestic violence, domestic abuse, family violence, fraud, entitlement
Date: 4/24/2011 2:31:40 PM ( 25 mon ) ... viewed 581 times "Entitlement" occurs when someone feels that they deserve something that they may, or may not, have earned. It's very normal and appropriate for us to feel that we've earned something and are, therefore, entitled to it. A job opening ia available, and Ms C has been an honest and dedicated employee, and deserves the promotion. Mr H is is awarded the position, even though he has less seniority and a questionable track record - Mr H meets a certain criteria and Ms C has every reason to feel that she was "entitled" to the promotion. However, Ms C also knows that Life is not guaranteed to be fair, manages he anger and disappointment, and 6 months later, Mr H is dismissed and Ms C is awawrded the position and continues to be an asset to the company.
Once again, my use of CAPS should not be construed as shouting. CAPS are an indication of emphasis.
Abusers, across the board, maintain an overblown, unreasonable, and pervasive sense of entitlement on every level. From being entitled to perpetrate sexua| abuse, to being entitled to collect fraudulent insurance claims, abusers want something without having to put forth the effort of earning them.
In my case, the former abuser's sense of entitlement was expressed each day, and often numerous times throughout the day. He believed that people and entities "owed" him everything from respect and social status, to enduring humiliating, degrading, and objectifying sex acts, he believed that he "deserved" to have everything and ANYthing that he wanted. A short example of exact quotes that I (and, my children) heard every day are as follows:
* "You owe me your respect"
* "I deserve to NOT have a woman for a boss"
* "A Good Wife will do whatever I ask if it turns me on"
* "Your parents OWE me for taking care of their daughter"
* "God broke your back because I deserve a settlement"
* "I have husbandly rights"
* "I have paid the insurance all these years and I should get some of that money back"
* "Our son is ADHD and we can get PAID for it"
* "I'm buying all of these lottery tickets because I'm DUE"
The last example might sound humorous, because we've ALL felt like that, at some point. But, how many of us have taken out a $6000 loan with the ridiculous assertion that we would actually be winning? That's right, the m*o*o*n actually bet on winning the lottery and drove us deeper into debt.
This overblown sense of entitlement excuses the abuser from any personal accountability for their actions, and they will do whatever they wish and damage whomever they want, simply because they feel that they CAN. And, an abuser does NOT apologize for taking, harming, and using human beings or resources for their own purposes. This factors into the overall gaslighting and crazy-making of the victims. The abuser demands respect, feels entitled to their demand, yet they disdain anyone who has rightfully achieved the same (or, better) status. An example of this involves a female who works at an educational institution who said, "(the Director) is the worst Administrator I've ever seen! She's a pushover and never gets anything done!" This was coming from a person who never pursued a degree, nor had she "earned" her stars to be Administrator, herself and had never written a grant, organized a gallery exhibit, taught a credited class, or anything else that the target had accomplished.
Another abuser told me that he "worked The System because (he) shouldn't HAVE to bust (his) ass like everyone else does. (He was) more intelligent and talented than all of these bar musicians in the County." This man collected disability and was still able to ride horses, perform for a 2 hour gig, fell trees and cut wood, and a host of other activities that his "injuries" SHOULD have prevented him from doing. All of this he does while he sends his 55 year old girlfriend off to work at an inn across the street as a line cook, waitress, and maid for up to 60 hours in a week.
The only things that we are "entitled" to are those things that we have earned through our own actions and labors. Human Rights are NOT the same thing as "entitlements" and should not be confused with one another. Whenever someone begins using verbage that reflects an inflated sense of entitlement, beware. For those who believe that they "OWE" allegience, tolerance, respect, trust, and loyalty to someone, there is no such bill that you have to pay. Respect, trust, companionship, and loyalty is to be EARNED, and not given freely.
Think about it: how many people do we know who have perpetrated insurance fraud, disability fraud, or sought to win a frivilous law suit? Chances are, those same people are perpetrating domestic violence and/or abuse on some level - a lie is a lie and it is quite common for abuse to accompany illegal and/or highly unethical activities.
Keep it Truthful, and we earn respect, and everything that goes with it.
Brightest blessings on this lovely Spring day!
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