I have come to terms that this is an addiction

One messed up womans journey through mental instability to health. Terrifying thoughts of she.

Date:   10/6/2008 8:06:02 PM   ( 16 y ) ... viewed 26892 times

So now what? I can't quit cold turkey, I will die. What do I eat if I'm an addict to food. Smokers quit smoking, they don't just smoke low tar. Meth addicts don't downgrade to one line a day. How can I deal with food addiction when I have to eat to survive? I started taking p & b shakes a couple weeks ago just to become more regular and began to eat a soup diet. Just to keep my diet mostly liquid. I f***ed that up Friday night at a barbeque and the damage just kept sailing through the weekend right through Monday evening. I have now put the brakes on. Tomorrow I begin anew. So, looking at this from a one day at a time perspective, I will plan out Tuesdays food intake. I will have a p&b shake in 20 cal diet cranberry juice. A cup of black coffee, decaf. 20 oz. water with all bran fiber iced tea packet mixed in. This will be 60 calories. I go to class fairly early and have my first break at 10 am. At this time I will have a cup of vegetable soup. 80 cal. I leave school at 2 pm and will go straight home. I will then have another cup of soup. 80 cal. I have household chores and errands. Ay 3 pm I will have another p&b shake in cranberry juice 20 cal. Still more errands and chores. I serve dinner to the family at 5 pm. I will have Trader Joes Prig Khing Green beans for dinner. 140 cal. I would like a bike ride after dinner to relax. I do not plan on taxing myself too much physically or mentally in the first few days. So if my days seem boring, it's intended. I will have another 20 oz water and all bran fiber iced tea sometime during the afternoon. 20 cal. I will end the evening with a p&b shake in cranberry juice. 20 cal. This is only 420 cal. Not enough. I will modify this as the day goes on to ensure enough calories to live. I will rewrite the plan tomorrow with the appropriate changes. I have to remember to take my armour thyroid in the morning 1 hour after the p&b shake. I believe if I develop the perfect daily menu, I will free myself from the prison that I choose to live in with food.

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