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Blog: Cleanse My Bulimic little Secret
by mariposa azul
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33 blog entries; 17 entries per page; 2 pages; viewed 70,314 times
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I want to live with a healthy body & a healthy mind! more...

Last Activity: 3 y ago
33 Messages   Last message 3 y ago
30 Comments   Last comment 3 y ago

viewed 70,314 times
Created: 5 y   Jan 17 2009

Comments (10 of 30):
Re: Love Fast Anyo… marip… 3 y
Re: Love Fast Anyo… miata… 3 y
Re: Love Fast Anyo… marip… 3 y
Re: Love Fast Anyo… miata… 3 y
Re: Hoping for ano… geni1 4 y
Re: I live for tod… marip… 5 y
Re: I live for tod… geni1 5 y
Re: owning my eati… geni1 5 y
Re: owning my eati… marip… 5 y
Re: owning my eati… geni1 5 y
All Comments (30)

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Day 3 of Love Fast   3 y  

day 3 of fasting
 
Well we have been busy digging ourselves out from all this snow, yet they predict more will fall in the next couple of days. What’s important is that we are all safe & healthy...tired, but healthy. Good news to report...I lost two more pounds! Yippey! I was really excited that I lost! I am feeling hungry, yet not hungry. Make sense? I miss the act of chewing & my recreational eating. As I was cutting some cantaloupe for my girls, I was so amazed how much I craved the fruit. I am actually not drooling over the food commercials on T.V but here I was drooling & fantasizing about the swe ...   read more



 
Day 2 of Love Fast   3 y  

day #2 of fast
 
This morning I woke up thanking God that day one was over. I was a crabby monster last night. very irritable with my girls...uhm, not happy about that. And I am not happy about all this snow either. I shoveled for what seemed like an eternity. We got hit pretty bad here....Hubby was not able to make it back until 20 minutes ago....he is exhausted, he has not slept in over 24 hours. so my job is going to be to keep our girls quiet so he can get some zzzz’s. (after he digs himself a parking spot out front!) We are buried deep! So.......good news is that I lost 2 pounds!! Yesterdays’ me ...   read more



 
Day Numero Uno Love!   3 y  

day one of fast
 
So today is the first day - feeling excited (hope to keep that excitement going until the end of the day.) I just know I will make it through today so that I can begin day two. I will keep a positive attitude so that I can reap the rewards later. On sunday I printed up pictures of myself and taped them all over my kitchen; since that is the #1 place that I tend to make the most damage, followed up with place #2 - the couch! So I taped them to the fridge & all my cabinets including the one I face while preparing food for the family. That really helped me yesterday. Although I offic ...   read more



 
Love Fast Anyone???   3 y  

love in fasting
 
Anyone care to join me on doing a Valentine’s Love Fast??? I figure that the best gift to give myself for Valentine’s Day is a love fast. I am doing this for me....But, I also want to give my hubby a 14LB weight loss gift for valentine’s day! One of the best things about this gift to him is that one, it won’t cost me a thing & his wife is on her way to gettin’ her bod back! So my plan is to start tomorrow Feb 1st thru Feb 14th. The goal is to lose 14 LBS. I want to do this as a way to kick start my way to eating healthy and lose weight. I want to continue my journey to just be h ...   read more



 
Serenity, Courage & Wisdom   4 y  

God grant me!
 
I remember reciting this prayer to myself when I was in eight grade and feeling as though I was a very deep person...so proud of how mature I was at 14 years of age. I wonder & feel somewhat nostalgic for the innocent, naive girl I once was. Sometimes I long for that innocent girl and wish I was there to guide her....and yet I need to guide that almost forty year old woman in the fourteen year old body that now embodies who I am ....body images? how we are prisoners of our past. I am thankful this moment. I am choosing not to fail. I am choosing to be a better person. For me! I am c ...   read more



 
a bulimic's struggle   4 y  

fighting to stay strong
 
i am on survival mode... not easy... it’s a struggle these past couple days. my moods sometimes fluctuate from moment to moment. it’s like an internl struggle. one side wants to continue on my binge/purge-free plan & this other side of me just wants to give in to the b/p that would just taste so good going in....just don’t want to look myself in the mirror afterward. I keep giving myself a dose of positive self-talk to see me through. Amazing how one small bite of anything can just suck you under if you allow it to happen. It’s been a small while for me since my last b/p and I want to ...   read more



 
Hoping for another successful day   4 y  

here I go!
 
So I’ve made it yet through another day. I have much to be thankful for! I have continued to work out using my elliptical and my new yoga dvd, and I feel just great. I am working on enjoying my workouts and to look forward to working out my body instead of it being a chore & something I dread to do. I am also trying to heal myself first...meaning my mind, heart and soul before working on losing all my weight, but that one is turning out to be a bit difficult. I continue to think about my weight and I weigh myself every day and sometimes a few times a day. Although I am trying not to ...   read more



 
making my way through   4 y  

tonight
 
so i am feeling vulnerable right now and i thought to log on...don’t want to give in to my urges so i am here. i need to love me enough...my children, husband and family enough to stay strong. Lord, help me! I was thinking yesterday when i was feeling stronger than i am at the moment. I was thinking that i have always wanted such a quick fix for everything. I am a smart lady so i know that some things just take enough work and determination. Having been blessed on this earth for thirty eight years, i know a thing or two...but i know how we can be so flawed also. We meet people from al ...   read more



 
Mind over food   4 y  

can I do it?
 
I feel like such a success this morning. I know all the small triumphs will eventually lead to the one I aspire to reach the most. Well, I needed laundry detergent this morning & of course I normally always end up buying all sorts of junk that will be next b/p episode....but not today! I was successful at walking through the aisles and did not buy one thing I planned to have a b/p party with. I also did half hour on the eliptical and tried a new yoga dvd I purchased. Excitting. Of course it was not easy shopping trip...so tempting! All I kept thinking about was different foods I wan ...   read more



 
failed wish   5 y  

but still wishing on...
 
i need to be kind to myself. i was doing really well & it only took a moment of weakness (alcohol induced weakness) and my head hit the toilet again. aAAAAggghhhhh! but i need to keep on reminding myself to be kind....i need to get over not make excuses. focus on the why of my weakness so that i have better ammunition next time. i know that i need to give myself permission to enjoy food. my need to be thin should take back seat to my being healthy...my food obsessions just take over... stupid me totally wants to begin a fast this new year’s day. i would like a partner...but i know a ...   read more



 
Christmas time   5 y  

time not wasted
 
I am keeping on...still have not b/p and I am glad. I have done so much with my kids these past few days...considering I am getting ready to host christmas parties. So sad how much time my eating disorder has consumed...it has robbed me of time with my family. But I plan to correct that...i want to continue in this path and I will take it one day at a time. Merry Christmas. Blessings. Peace.   visit the page



 
I live for today   5 y  

to fast or not to fast
 
Another day down and a brand new one to go. I wonder how many of us that began on a fasting journey are dealing or have dealt with eating disorders? I keep thinking about fasting again and have actually started fasting in the morning yet by afternoon or evening do not follow through. I think that fasting right now would be a big mistake for me, even though my intentions of starting a fast would be to kick my sugar addiction... I think I might wait until I am stronger mentally. I have to understand my triggers, and I wonder if fasting is a trigger for me? Soooooo, I will keep strong ...   read more



 
Every day is a new beginning   5 y  

moving forward
 
My doctor’s visit went well. Better then I expected. I will continue on fluoxetine-20mg versus the 10mg I started on over two months ago. I am feelig positive and its been about 4-5 days since my last binge/purge. I am making it happen...today will be a true test,since I will be alone with every opportunity. My plan is to actually do it & I will check in tonight with an update. I have to keep busy & continue to be positive. My daughter’s smile just sealed that deal! My kids are awesome...the best part of my life.   visit the page



 
owning my eating disorder owning my eating disorder   5 y  

i am bulimic
 
Going to my doctor today. I know it will be emotionally draining, yet I am looking forward to it. My dealing/healing from my eating disorder is going slower than I would want, yet I am hopeful and I like the direction I am going. Recovery is on my horizon. I visualize a life without bulimia & it looks beautiful. My doc had prescribed the lowest anti-depressants normally given to bulimics and I noticed a difference within 2 weeks of taking the a.d. but even though I was not purging I continued to overeat, which of course led to weight gain! so i went bact to my eat/purge cycle. Jus ...   read more



 
christmas wish   5 y  

we all wish for something
 
Keeping busy with Christmas shopping & going ons.....so busy that I don’t feel the need to do my usual. But I was alone tonight...and hungry. What hunger am I feeding? I wish good things for myself. I pray. I pray that this christmas I can give myself the best gift of all time. Because if I don’t, I might not be here for much longer. Just a hunch. What is a bulimic’s life-span? I wonder. I wish & pray for me. I will continue on my journey & continue to believe that I will overcome & come to understand my food addictions.   visit the page



 
Still fighting the good fight   5 y  

bulima struggle
 
I just decided to check in...i don’t think there are many like me in this circle of cure-zone friends. But I am comforted by the fact that we are all human and we all have our own personal struggles...bulima might not be something that people in this community struggle with. But anyhoo....i continue on my journey. For the first time in my bulimic life I have come clean with one person. I spoke with my doctor. It was cleansing yet exhausting. She prescribed meds which i felt odd about....anti-depressants. I feel sometimes like we are just all over-medicated society...yet I feel that I ...   read more



 
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