I have had yet another cyber-breakdown and so, this many days later, I am just now seeing your letter. Perhaps you will be around and can find my response sometime.
I am very happy to see that my seeds of inspiration have found some fertile ground.
Certainly the emotional and psychic healing that the Master Cleanse seeks to facilitate can be profound as we seek to find our balance and health.
So often, we do not deal with our anger and rage and we turn it inward on ourselves and outward on our friends and family and others. The process of healing these core issues is a worthy effort and I feel the Master Cleanse is a good ally in that work.
I can also HIGHLY recommend liver flushing post cleanse since the liver is the *seat of anger* and in flushing it, many symptoms of anger, past and current, will dissipate. I liver flushed my way through a hurtful, anger-inspiring, divorce and it all went as well as something like that could. You may really find liver flushing a major tool in healing anger issues.
I also enjoy taking my *tire-thumper* and whomping on the side of a bed or stack of pillows. It looks like a short baseball bat and is really efficient in getting a lot of negative emotion *out*. A plastic wiffle ball *club* also works quite well and is a really cheap tool which can also be used the same way. Sorta of puts some fun into being angry and channels it into a healing session.
We do rage therapy here at the retreat center in groups but usually I like to do it by myself so I really feel safe to get in touch with those feelings so deep I rarely dive that far down and even look! Its a little like letting long pent up steam off in degrees. You can really feel better after a few well places primal clubbing sessions...ggg.
Thank you too for the reflection back to me you shared. I also had a challenging growing up and along the way, kind of like where you are now, I just decided not to let my grief or anger and trauma make me bitter. I decided that I wanted to be a happy person and not to make it someone else's job to figure out how to make me that way. It took a while but I can say that I am my own best friend in that I have found that peace and self-love I was looking for.
I do not particulary feel wise...ggg...but I do feel blessed in that somewhere along the way I also met people who held pieces of my puzzle and offered tools for healing and advise. I could not go wrong taking such advice to heart and it has made all the difference. To learn to accept help and guidance is its own healing too. So, my own journey of releasing and learning to live instead of focusing on dying has been my *God-send*. My focus also, in using the Master Cleanse, is primarily to bring my spiritual hunger to bear and to learn how to better manage my psychic stress since I tend to use food to numb my sensitivities, so I *feel* less.
Like yourself, that anger and retaliative hunger, were also issues I had to struggle with. I went to the woods and railed at the powers that be and somewhere there, in the forest, the seeds of compassion were planted and when all the dust settled and the screaming had pushed the anger out in tears and my arms had swung out at all the thoughts where the energy of abandonment and abuse rose up against me like an old hologram from the movie of my childhood, I found the anger had been diffused and the love for my inner child, my inner me, was equally as great as that I have for my own child. I had been healed and FREED from a hell of my own making. I left that coat of sorrows there and have never looked back or remembered it the same way again.
I really wish for you the healing you seek. You are learning to love yourself at the same time you are releasing those old self-destructive behaviors and so do not be too hard on yourself. Some days you may feel like the greek hero, Sisyphus, who was condemned to roll a boulder up a mountain each day, only to see it fall back each night. His suffering finally stopped when he decided to become the master of his fate and to seek joy in his actions. Likewise, as you shed your outer layers the *you* you envision in your meditations will emerge...
http://www.nyu.edu/classes/keefer/hell/camus.html
I wish you well.
Blessings,
Zoe