Dear Peanut,
Thank you for your kind words. I am humbled that you and others would take to heart what I write and share but I suppose it is part of my intention that I be able to share so much of the information I was looking for when I first came to the Curezone seeking ways to improve my life. I live in a house of healers and one of the reasons I stay is that we are supportive to each other, even if it means looking into the mirrors others hold for us and having to deal with issues we would rather not. And so it goes...I have grown compassion and treat others the way I have been treated...ggg....
Many years ago, I was being treated for cataplexy and went through what you are describing, trying out the different drugs, which I do not understand why, but were also used for depression treatment. Suppressing something neurological. Each one had its own problem and ultimately I found myself frozen in a chair, unable to speak because I could not move my facial muscles and I told my then-husband, call the doctor, who naturally realized I was having a severe reaction. That was a defining moment when I decided to fire my allopathic doctor since I did not like feeling like a guinea pig and I wanted to be in touch with my reactions and discover my triggers and deal with them on my own. I have been successful in that endeavor and would venture to guess that over time you too could discover what triggers your depression and work to ameliorate the effects of those triggers. There are herbal options as well as food options. Even timing and number one, working to relax ourselves. Remember how important it was to help our children to unwind? I had to learn to treat myself that way!
I think doing this cleanse will be major in getting you back to a level of functioning where you can figure out what is "normal" for you. I know all that experimentation with drugs really did not help my liver function and as I read and researched and discovered the effects, I began to fight for my right to not be poisoned. I assured my doctor that cataplexy would not kill me, but according to the PDR I used frequently, many of the chemicals in their pretty shapes and colors she was prescribing for me would do less to enhance the quality of my life than nothing, and damage my liver in the process! Of course, in the spectrum of aversion to alternative medicine, she even felt chiropractors were quacks so I did myself a huge favor in severing our relationship. Of course, the ball fell in my court and so thus, you find me still on my healing path and following others as well, being followed by friends and family who I have been able to convincingly assure, there is a better way.
Have I encouraged you to liver flush a hundred times yet...ggg. Getting the residue of those pharmecuticals out of your organs and muscles will be of monumental help. Also, this is another reason, during the Master Cleanse, you are feeling the ups and downs of those releases. It will pass, and you will never pass this way again. Keep falling forward, progress or decay, as a sign in our store used to boast...
The St. John's Wort takes a while to reach an optimal level in your body but in the times I have used it, twice, it was a true blessing and I did not have any problems withdrawing from it either. The stuff I use with the flower essences was/is a fine product, and I have even given some to my daughter when she was struggling to deal with my decision to go a different path than her father.
One major difference between allopathic medicating and herbal treatment is that the herbal treatment does take more time but is generally more supportive of the body and less harmful in its side effects. So, see your healing as a journey or a path and do not lose faith in yourself or your choices. I used to have a sign up on my wall since I am a huge believer in the power of affirmations, which read, "Expect a Miracle". I knew I was making choices not popular with my doctor or my family and especially with my cancer treatment, I needed to do it my way so if anything did go wrong, I could live with it knowing I had done the best I could for myself. Another sign I have used, (I actually have the original collage I made of this in the 60's...ggg) and it reads, "Make Yourself Comfortable". This is inspiring on many levels since it can be taken more than a few ways. It reminds me that I need to own my choices and that, while sometimes it is nice to be paddled around in a canoe, sometimes you need to paddle your own! There is an old Indian adage, however, which goes further and admonishes, "Call on God, but steer away from the rocks!".
Progress may be slow, but if you keep your eye or mind's eye, and heart, on your goal, you can literally manifest your health. Marijah McCain, my naturopath, really brought home to me that people buy into choices others make for them and if they decide to believe the doctor that tells them to go home and die, they will. If they decide to believe the doctor who says, nope, we are going to jumpstart your living again, they do. My friend, who I did my cancer protocol with, (how special was that to have someone to do that with!) he had cancer metastacized throughout his body and none of us thought he would make it but deep within, he found the energy and belief that he could turn it around and by golly he did! He just got married this year and is cancer free. Why? Mostly because he wanted it and also because he and I did what you are doing, cleaning out the *temple* which we house our spirit in, and then bringing back into our lives, that which would serve us and life and the rest, however noisy, or distressing, we let run off our backs like water on a duck!
Work with your body and before you know it, it will be convinced you are its best friend and your relationship will grow and your body will give you signals of its needs and you will be able to fullfill those needs whether it be a fast, or a hug, or a huge steaming bowl of soup! Once you begin looking for ways to, for example, treat your migraines, you will sensitize your body to react positively to the treatment and certainly, your father and his disorder could well be the product of his times and environment and so it is not a given that you are predisposed to anything more than your own exposure to your LIFE. My mother was bi-polar in a time when they did not even have a name for it. I did not even allow myself to think for a moment that I would be like her. This is the path of manifesting my own life and my own *luck* and joy and love and friends and most of all, health!
So, I wish you the most of luck in your journey to discover the new you and the you who is turning her focus to embracing the love of her children and the support of life and friends. I have never met you in person, but certainly, you have my support and prayer and best wishes because we do have this part of our journey together in common. Kind of like the people you chat with and laugh over something while you stand in line at the post office, or gggg, the airport! So, look for light and hope in your life. Smile at yourself in the mirror when you pass by and tell yourself something good like, you're doing great, or even, I love you! Before you know it, your mind will change in little ways which turn to bigger ways and happiness will creep in where you thought it could not grow! Funny, in this moment, I am reflecting how, after spending 20-some years with my husband, I never thought I could love another man again, and yet, I find men like a flower garden and have fallen in love with more than a few and enjoy the idea that out there, more flowers wait for my admiration and appreciation....hee hee....
Likewise, you will find there will be days when the valleys seem so daunting and your pace is like Sisyphus who rolled his rock up a hill each day, only by night, to have it roll back down again. It can be a challenge, but also a joy, to find peace in the process of rocking and rolling, or going with the flow as we like to say. A friend told me once, after a life crisis, you are still in the same business, you just have to find a way which works for you. He was speaking of life but I did understand. So I would offer to you, that when a negative thought arises, gently push it away and tell yourself, no, I am waiting for the positive thought to come to my side. Life does not guarantee that there will be no bumps or brambles on your journey, but it does guarantee to provide for you and support you and offer you peace, if you look for it! Lord knows, you and I both can count off the people we know whose mantra is "I cant". We can also count the people who say, "I can". Be one of those...ggg
Most of all, enjoy yourself and your life. Somewhere I read where God will ask you two questions when you cross over...did you enjoy my world, and did you live well.
I have discovered living well is not defined by my body or what I have. It is defined by my mind. If I do not mind, it doesnt matter and if I do mind, it does matter! Likewise, reach out for your potential like a brass ring on a carousel, if you can remember such things which did exisit, gggg, and hold on for dear life. You will find what you are looking for since I know, and I am sure I am not alone, in thinking, YOU will find the health you are so diligently seeking.
Gotta run, do the company dance...ggg...have a great day!
Many blessings and peace,
Zoe