Hello Mindmover,
I was searching at Curezone for some of my poems and noticed your blog of 8 months ago because I am interested in the subject of identity. I am a Christian (an unconventional one who has suffered 51 years of suicidal depression). I was born into a family that quickly showed how dysfunctional a family can get. My parents first separated when I was 15 and they later divorced, but I knew years earlier that they weren't right for each other. I was chosen to be the flunky of my family before I was ten, so, as far as my upbringing, I was alienated from my family and developed an inferiority complex that followed into all parts of my life. Children of divorce often have suicidal depression through late adulthood. All of my life, from time to time (maybe every month or so), I had a feeling that something was wrong (something, somewhere, somehow, in some way, was wrong or didn't connect or was missing, IN MY LIFE, my PAST). When I was 51, I heard someone talk about their divorce and wondered how their two young children would be affected. Then I realized that the chidren also would be estranged and have the same feeling unless their mother remarried a good father and they had a good family life. I discovered that the "feeling" I always had wasbecause my identity (as being PART of a family and PART of society) was never established,...that's what was 'wrong'. It was like looking into a mirror, but in that mirror, there is no existence, not even I existed (I never existed),...remember, it's a mirror, not a picture (like Michael J. Fox could see in the movie BACK TO THE FUTURE). Because it was a mirror, whenever I looked in the direction of that mirror, the reflection was reflecting NOTHING because my identity was never established, so, I couldn't see the mirror and NEVER existed (in my mind, identity).

Since I love the creator, I have now made Him more meaningful in my life (because He is also 'Father to the fatherless' and one of His other names in the bible is "I AM". He wants us to know who we are (if you saw the movie with Austin Powers and remember the character 'MINI-ME', a kind of 'chip off the old block', then you can understand that the true SELF is realizing that we are the offspring of 'I AM' and that He is the REFERENCE POINT of all life).

I am not trying to proselytize you, I am only explaining my understanding so that we might be able to trade notes (I am still working on CONSCIOUSNESS of SELF).

My understanding is that, since Adam and Eve ate of the tree of conscience, we inherited the ability to develop a conscience and are now CONSCIOUS of 'self' and therefore responsible (and held accountable) for what we do. Traditional Christianity misunderstands and doesn't realize SELF. Since I am still learning/studying/trying to acheive CONSCIOUSNESS, I would like to understand what you have learned.

Please e-mail back to me what you have learned about acheiving a CONSCIOUSNESS. Maybe we can trade notes.

been there done that
greg1f00@aol.com