Feeling very good today.  I told Erik last night that I was going to prepare his favorite dish – Chicken Divine. It’s a curried chicken dish with broccoli and I serve it over mashed potatoes with a lot of butter and cream. He’s very thin so I enjoy making him fattening dishes. I love the smell of curry. I love to cook, even while I’m fasting. It fulfills my desire to be around food. Preparing it, feeling it, smelling it – that’s really most of the experience. Eating it is just the last part.

I’m thrilled that Erik is being so supportive with the fast. Over the years he has (helped) sabotage my weight loss efforts by bringing me food. I remember one day feeling stressed from a hard long day at work so he surprised me with my favorite dessert: peanut butter pie. This has happened on many occasions. I felt angry but I knew it was in love that he has done these things.  He wanted to make me happy and thought food would do it. But fattening food only makes me happy for a moment and then I turn into self hate because of lack of willpower. I will eat a slice of peanut butter pie again. But only after I have worked for it and have the discipline to get up the next day and eat right again. That takes time...  So no peanut butter pie for me for quite awhile. I’m okay with that.

Also, I lost another few pounds. I’m amazed and definitely going to try water fasting one day a week.  If this is not a good idea please speak up community. I count on you to tell me when I’m doing something unhealthy or radical.

May 14th SW 180

June2nd CW 159

-21 lbs