- A bit of honesty - my history battling EDs by firsttimemastercleanser
18 y
3,373 3 Messages Shown
Blog: cleansing heaven here I come! (10 day master cleanse)
Well today was HARD. Am so lucky as I didn't have to go to work today. But I was running back and forth from the loo for the first half of the day. My tummy kept grumbling and my headache didn't lift. I honestly thought I might binge on the oat crackers and sultanas and all the other food that has been eyeing me up from my shelf.
But I posted on the raw foods board for help(that place really is a godsend, I think I would have failed already if it wasn't there) and something one of the members said really struck me - about the power of the mind.
It's time to be honest and the reason I started this MC was to lose weight. End of. I went travelling this summer and ended up losing about half a stone (7lbs) due to a tummy bug. I then got freaked out when I got better and started eating 'normally' and because we were still on holiday, we were eating out ALL THE TIME. So I started bingeing and purging. I guess I should mention now that I have had bulimia pretty much on and off since I was about 12 and I had a nasty bout of anorexia in my teens.
Then it got me thinking. After this cleanse, there may be hope to rebuild a healthy relationship with food again. Part of my mind thinks that and is hopeful but also I can't help but think that a part of me is using this cleanse to exhibit my eating disordered behaviour. I mean, I can't help but feel that (unhealthy?) happy feeling when I lose the inches.
Plus I know my mother (who knows about my bulimia but had the uncomfortable parental reaction as opposed to the understanding reaction - that said, how could she understand?) would be absolutely mortified if she knew what I was doing... which makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. That said, I know that plenty of people out there are disapproving just because they are ignorant.
I don't know... it's difficult to say. I don't actually know if I'm doing a GOOD or BAD thing to both my body and mind? Time will tell.
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firsttimemastercleanser
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- Ordered eating! by fledgling
18 y
1,442
Firsttimemastercleanser,
Nicely said!
You sound very wise.
You also know, from past experiences, the wisdom of treating your body gently.
So, love and appreciate yourself, and learn your body's unique language, the signals from the interior.
Imagine your mom's vision for you. See the happy, beautiful, and glowing person she dreams of for you. And, see how you are already there! Accept that...enjoy it!
You deserve it!
My best,
fledgling
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fledgling
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CureZone