First my Dear Lady...  You must be true to yourself; which you seem to be...

Here is some help; you can write hypnotically about a person, (Some name) who would share some of the same type things as yourself...  You do not need to get into much exact detail but try to present the material in a parallel universe... There have been many great books written in this fashion...  

Over all you need to seek a viable soultion...   You will need to come to the realization of who you are...  Come to know that GOD loves you; for who you are and that will never change...  We learn to love GOD because HE first lived us...  It is from this that we can accept HIS Grace; and know that by for giving others we are forgiven...  You can build on this great promise, as you walk your pathway through life...

I too have had to walk this path...   Once you realize that there is nothing we as humans can do for GOD except accept his plan of Salvation and surrender to HIS WILL that we will in fact become loving caring spirits...

Read thru some of my blogs, and pray for your own deliverance... 

BTW: Am writing a book within my new book ( due out early 2007) about the "Spirit Warrior" in each of us and how we should seek our Eternal Life... 

See Ya.. Kermit