Wow, today is Day 15 and I've reached the halfway point of my 30 day juice fast journey. Even though it may seem that this fast has been a breeze, and for the most part, it has been good, there have been many moments of weaknesses. Food weaknesses, such as the walk where I smelled various neighbors cooking their dinners. That was painful. Then when I went produce shopping I stopped at the grocery store for food to cook meals for my husband and picked up the store's fresh fried chicken for when my son visited that day. I put the groceries in the trunk, but damn if that chicken didn't smell as though it were sitting right next to me in the passenger seat shooting raspberries at me. When I returned home, I put the fried chicken in the fridge, left in the bag. Yet, when I opened the fridge door that chicken reached out and grabbed me by the throat every time. Finally I had my son put the chicken in a thick plastic freezer bag and put the whole lot in the garage fridge. I cooked up some corn on the cob for my husband and it was all I could do to not chomp down on that lush golden vegetable. The one time I made cheeseburgers for my husband and his uncle and came close to taking a big bite of one. I refuse to grill any salmon because I'm not sure I'd be strong enough to not take a bite. So, no salmon until I am off this fast. I have to pick my battles carefully.
There have been times of weaknesses pertaining to how my body feels, such as yesterday, feeling hollow all day long. Not hungry, though I can see how some may think this hollow feeling would be hunger, but definitely hollow, empty. That skin eruption on my arm and chest wasn't pretty. The few headaches I've had have lasted an entire day and night each time. The sniffles I woke up with yesterday aren't as bad, but are still present. The first few days on this fast, I didn't feel much like turning cartwheels, which was to be expected. Still, it was painful to endure.
Fasting is not easy to do even when the conflicts are few. Each day I have to tell myself to be strong, take each minute as it comes, deal with it and move on to the next minute as it arrives. Don't worry about later until later is in my face. The now is all I can deal with on a fast or it becomes overwhelming. Even after the digestive system shuts down, the grooves I've etched into my psychology via lifestyle habits, often come to the forefront to sit in hunger's driver seat. I'm not physically hungry, but that cheeseburger sure looks good. The first thing I usually do when I wake up is brew a pot of coffee, so that pang I feel when I pass it by is not hunger, it's habit. Just because I am fasting doesn't mean those habits agree to fast with me. They aren't fasting, they protest, they still want to be acknowledged. So, I have to cajole them into settling down. I make deals with myself (with my fingers crossed behind my back) that as soon as I get off this fast, I'm going to brew a pot of freshly ground Jamaican Blue Mountain and drink the whole pot, or eat two cheeseburgers for dinner, or... whatever. None of these things will happen because I never did this anyway. I can't drink a whole pot of coffee even if it's spread out through the entire day. I can barely eat one of my cheeseburgers for dinner because I eat my brocolli first and I am invariably satisfied quickly. But I tell myself these outrageous things to help me turn my back on them now, this minute. Because now, this minute, is all that matters.
Today my energy level was very low again. I did accomplished quite a few of my domestic duties but there was no real joy in it. I had to push myself. The sniffles I caught from Ausjulie are almost gone as is the headache, but something is off nonetheless. It seems centered, well... in my center. My belly area. Nothing hurts. I'm not upset to my stomach. I'm not hungry. Just blaahhh... Such a shame since I'd planned to kind of celebrate the halfway mark.
I spent some time searching for RAW recipes to try when I come off this fast. Here are some I've gleaned:
Italian Soup by Lapis
Live Fries by Lapis
Parsnip Avocado soup by Lapis
Arugula Guacamole soup 2 by Deradune
Raw Sun Garden Burgers by Deradune
David and Annie Jubb's 7th Heaven Soup by Deradune
Michele Deradune's No Beans Refried Beans by Deradune
Thai Tea by Deradune (I could do this now)
Apparently there are so many ways to consume and enjoy raw foods. I have seriously been considering trying that lifestyle on for size... at least beginning slowly, adding more and more raw foods as I remove more and more cooked foods from my diet. If you have the time, check out some of these recipes. I'll be adding more as I encounter recipes that sound delicious. Some of them sound very exotic to me which excites me to no end! Fifteen more days before I can eat something... RAW!
Think I am going to take a detox bath.
Have a peace filled evening,
~ Dazzle
January 30, 2006
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