- I cannot focus on anything long enough by wisewoman
19 y
5,592 9 Messages Shown
Blog: Lifetime Solutions/Dedicated to juicing and raw food
I told my husband yesterday morning that I don't care if I live or die!! The only reason I can find for caring is that I don't want to hurt my children or grandchildren, I don't want to leave my sucide as their legacy.
All of this said by me to my husband, my number four husband, black husband, I am white and 15 years older than he is. One of these alone is problematic in iself, but all together I am sinking.
I had stayed single for so long 13 years. I had so many things to do, so many things to learn. How to take care of myself, how to earn enough money to live without the constant stress of always being one step away to broke. I am the only one in my family that is always hysterical over money, and No one knows, because I never let on what my financial or emotional state is really like.
I did pretty well during those 13 years, and felt quite satisified with myself. I have always looked out for my health. I never had any insurance during those years, so I exercised and coming from a natural health background I was always studying and experimenting with foods and supplements, so that my health remaind my one true focus and one goal. See, I opened the first natural food store in Maine in the early 1970's or late 1960's. I was happy then, not like I am today.
I don't even feel like bashing my situition. Its not about a husband or my lack of money, or my waning self-esteem. It is after all about me, and my inability to follow through on my dreams. Through all of this I still have them, my dreams.
I started a web-site lack of money keeps me from getting it off the ground( or does it?)
I started a book on raw food and vegetable juices: My approach to staying healthy in a food addicted society. I have been raw now for a number of years and helped many people with their weight and health problems. I am 68 years old and never taken a medication. Well, yes I did. I about two years ago I took zolft for three months to see if I could adapt easier to my situition. It didn't work, so I stopped. My pyhsiciarist didn't want me to take it in the first place, but I begged, thinking I could become more main stream with all the other old people where I live. I am not a old person.
Getting this book written and my website finished is so imptortant to me, I love to help people. I am a body full of all this imformation with how to be healthy and disease free, how to look and feel way younger than your years----it is true you can, not by following the way our society sets it up for you, you will fail and be sick and not when you are older, but as a young person, or as a child. It starts at conception our pre-disposition as to what our health problems will be.
So am I depressed, well yes I am.
Can I get through this? Maybe
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wisewoman
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- You are beautiful by ren
19 y
1,621
| Did you know you can be ageless? I used to have problems with following through. You have my full-on support. Depression and stress will age you and make you sick.
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ren
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- Re: You are beautiful by wisewoman
19 y
1,854
| Thank you Ren.
I am new to blogging.
I intellectually know how bad stress is for you and the aging process it creates, and I try so hard not to become a victum.
I believe my fears and my self talk have held me hostage for so long, and it does wear one down, now doesn't it?
Truly, it is not what I want and I am trying hard to crash through and leave my sickness behind. Because, how can I be there 100% for other, if I am not 100% for my self?
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wisewoman
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- Re: You are beautiful by ren
19 y
1,695
| You can only do so much. You are not God. Don't be so hard on yourself. You should watch Joel Osteen. He's really good and talks about this very thing.
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ren
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- Re: You are beautiful by wisewoman
19 y
1,863
Hi Ren,
I don't know Joel Osteen, but I would like to !!!!
I realize I am not God, and even tho I can accomplish many useful and helpful things for others, I think I should be able to do as much or more for myself. i can zero in on solutions for you, and for me too, I am full of creative energy(in my head) but I look around and think someone is going to want me to guide them through their weight-loss program? Even tho I am the picture of health and I have really worked hard to stay healthy, my stress factors seem to be sitting right on my shoulder and my hormones so wild that I am always on edge, except when i am left alone to do it all myself.
I am going to read your blogs.
I do love this: there are so many wonderful and interesting people out there.
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wisewoman
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- raw food/juicing by #830
19 y
2,044
Hello,
I understand what you are feeling. I'm very much the same way. I can't focus even on the small things like cleaning and organizing myself. Perhaps you are trying to do to much but i wonder if you have adhd syptoms. I believe these can stem from hypoglycemia or low blood sugar, candida, or food allergies. I have all of these and i believe they are at the root of depression and lack of focus as well as many other things.
I think raw food and juicing is wonderful but maybe you need a solid protein at each meal also to give you what you need to make the right chemicals in your brain. Eating protein regularly as well as staying away from sugar and simple carbs helps me tremendously with the problems you describe. Read Potatoes not Prozac or the Sugar Addicts Total Recovery Plan by Kathleen Des Masions you may find yourself there. Also read about the symptoms of Hypoglycemia.
I'm right where you are and believe i know the answer but just have recently rededicated myself working on my health issues.
Thanks,
#830
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- Re: raw food/juicing by wisewoman
19 y
1,942
Thanks for your kind words. i recently had my blood sugar tested and it was normal. I do however, think there are two causes for problems. One, I am probably not eating enough food---even tho it is all raw and pretty well balanced---I use a lot of greens and they are so nutrient dense I think I depend on them too much during times of high stress, and I do need to include more concentrated protein in my diet. Thank you for the nudge!!!
Also, I have not allowed myself to be expressed, appropiately that is, and I know I can't go on like this much longer--I feel like I am living in a box.
I hope you can sort out your feelings, as long as we feel deprived emotionally we can never truly fulfill our potential
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wisewoman
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- Re: I cannot focus on anything long enough by elven
15 y
2,752
Wow,
I found your post "I cannot focus on anything long enough" when googling "cannot focus" because I have something important that I need to get done and can't focus on it.
I found your words so powerful and emotional and I just feel so much for you. I do not feel depressed but can very much relate to your decreased self-esteem as a result of not accomplishing your dreams. I, like yourself, still have my dreams too, thank the gods for that. I am convinced that achieving our dreams is essential to our happiness and is a main reason for our lives. You must make your dreams happen! You were happy when you had your own natural food store because you were living your dream!
I would like to offer my suggestions in the hopes that they will help you. I think it is critical to stay inspired and some books that I have read have been so inspirational to me; they might inspire you too. You are probably familiar with these authors based on your lifestyle and the fact that you are on this website, but maybe you have not read these yet. Also, I find that if I keep reading the things that inspire me a little bit every day, it helps keep me motivated.
1. Life After Death by Deepak Chopra - this might seem off-topic but is has been absolutely incredible for changing my view of life and myself. Its not an easy read, might want to go through it a couple of times.
2. The Millionaire Maker & Cash Machine for Life by Loral Langemeier - these books made it so real to me that I can be successful and make money anytime, anywhere.
The dietary changes I have found to be helpful for me are to get more protein and vitamin b12. I was raised vegetarian and cannot stand to eat meat, but the few times I have forced myself I felt better (more clear, energetic and alive) within hours. I fully believe that our bodies (unfortunately) need meat/egg protein at this stage in our evolution. If you cannot eat at least 1 serving of fish, meat or eggs per day, get as much tofu and other veg or dairy proteins as you can but at least for me, it is not the same. You might also consider a b12 sublingual supplement or even better, shots. (I am assuming you are vegetarian too but feel free to ignore this if that is incorrect)
Finally, drink some coffee when you need it. I know all the reasons it is bad for us but my take on it is if it can give you a temporary boost to help get you going and making progress on your goals (where you can get real satisfaction and elan vital) it is well worth the trade-off.
I hope one or more of these ideas will help. You have a lot to offer the world, I hope you will let it all out and feel great.
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elven
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