- Addiction by woodlawn
19 y
3,634 5 Messages Shown
Blog: Journey back from depression
In junior high and high school, I was terrified of addiction. Compulsive behavior runs rampant in my family, and by that time, I knew I had a problem with food, so I was unwilling to introduce alcohol and drugs into the mix. I was invariably the one at parties with a can of sprite. My abstinence was also probably a bit due to my parents' completely open attitude about drugs and alcohol.
My dad on weed, "If you're at a party and you want to smoke some grass, just go for it--but don't drive home. Just give me a call and I'll pick you up."
My mom on weed, "You know, you might want to try marijuana. It wouldn't kill you to try it. Actually, it would probably help you, it definitely wouldn't hurt you a bit. I think you should do it--it might help you relax."
Seriously, is there anything less cool to a thirteen-year-old than her parents' blessing? I don't think there is anything that could have made intoxication less appealing than my parents wholehearted stamp of approval. I was also worried about becoming addicted though--probably due less to self-awareness than Nancy Regan's "no child says she wants to be a junkie when she grows up" ad campaign, but they were both factors. But now I am aware that my addictions are of a different sort. I do seek comfort in things that give me an artificial sort of "high," but I am way too interested in control to be that enamoured of anything that compromises my sobriety for long stretches of time.
I've had periods in my past (aka college) where I drank too much for too long and developed an unhealthy habit, but it was never very difficult to give it up. I just stopped drinking for a month or so, and problem solved. Now I rarely have more than two drinks, and two drinks is probably a monthly "splurge."
Cigarettes are equally uninteresting. When I was younger, and desperately in love with a chain-smoker, I would smoke maybe one cigarette a day. I usually wouldn't finish it. I've probably bought two packs of cigarettes in my life. In recent years, I've had one or two cigarettes a year, but now even that makes me feel gross.
Drugs are even less of a problem. Weed makes me totally sick psychologically. I feel patently awful when I smoke, so there is zero attraction to smoking for me. God, it is like torture. It's weird that my parents both enjoy it so much--it makes both my brother and me completely miserable. When he was younger and more insecure, I know he spent years pretending to inhale at parties. Mushrooms were more tempting for me-- there was only one two week period where I used too many and became a little dependant. I ran out finally, and problem solved. Cocaine never had any appeal past one night and even ecstasy (which I enjoyed the most) made me feel so awful afterwards that there was little impetus to return any time soon.
Aside from weed, I have to say that I've enjoyed my rare (i.e. once every two years or so) forays into drug use. In controlled circumstances, I've had more than a good time, and I do think I have learned some powerful lessons about myself (and my friends) during these very rare mini-journeys. Always by the end though, I have been counting the minutes back to sobriety. I prefer being sober.
As I just cannot stand to be intoxicated for long periods of time, it is difficult for me to fully empathize with addiction to these things. Food, however, is a totally different story.
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woodlawn
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- You are good! by Webmaster
19 y
960
WoodLawn,
You are good!
This is what I call real blog!
5 stars to you!
Webmaster
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Webmaster
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- Food is a necessity by 9thbody
19 y
1,076
| Drugs can be eliminated-not so with food-!
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9thbody
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- keep your focus... by drofinnah
19 y
1,152
when i was younger... and married... i always had a horrific fear of being left alone... and as karma would have it... it came to pass... and i found myself completely abandoned... and totally alone... but what seemed to be my worse nightmare proved to be a blessing in disguise... for it was at this time that i began to focus of the real problem... "me"... and to learn of my true "Self"... a deeper sense of knowledge... or "knowing"... or as i like to think of it... as getting to "know" the "knower"... (none of this probably makes much sense to you)... but that ok...
what i see from what i have read of your blogs is that you have your head on pretty straight... but are very often distracted by the insanities of others... and consequently get sucked into the vortex of your own insanity of "ego"...
http://laluni.helloyou.ws/askbaba/saibabagita/
read the above while you continue with yoga... it perhaps might prove to be very insightful for you...
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seek... and you will find...
of all the others... nevermind...
the one you seek... was always there...
to help you... find life free from care...
within... your "Self" you'll find true love...
of which... you've known so little of...
so... to thine "Self" be true...
the one that you seek...
is inside of you...
lol...
;-)
and always remember...
"it's a wonderful day in the neighborhood little girl"...
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drofinnah
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CureZone