I wish I could post the pictures of me that I found on my laptop. I was already depressed today so I went and added things to my bridal registry. I actually didn't stuff my face silly. I was wanting to stay at a certain level and not get too deep into depression. BTW, I saw my dream car more than twice today and I'm now convinced that the Mercedes Benz E500 is going to be mine.
Anyway, I got home and decided to get my old Dell laptop and play the Woodstock movie that jawnai presented to me this weekend. It's the original Woodstock film and it's GREAT. Guess what I found on my old laptop? All the pictures of me right after I had that horrible encounter in California in 2003. I started crying because I realised that I've never been happy. I've never been myself. I've never done things to make myself happy. I remembered how low I sunk in terms of self esteem when I was involved with r*y. I was whole heartedly insecure about my body and just to hear SOME ONE ANY ONE who was a man tell me that I was beautiful was like CRACK to me. I'm not depressed now, just tired from my very busy weekend. I went to precana with my my fiance and moved furniture for my mom. We cleaned all weekend. This whole wedding thing is getting to me and I'm hoping the shower party will be a breakthrough for me.
Maybe this anxiety about the wedding, looking good, the honeymoon and everything else needs to be let go. Yeah it does *LOL* What am I saying??
This is an absolutely great POST!!!!
Thanks for starting my day with this delicious
glimse into the LIFE being lived by a
REAL human being, looking
struggling, feeling, healing,
It is all O.K.
You are doing so great
just going through the experience
and taking time to feel
That was a lot of body clearing of old stuff
you did with the photos.
You are making room for your new life!
Please don't ever stop being you
and sharing like this.
Let me know when the Job's Tears get into
the ground, and make sure you write out
your Seed Dreams.
Garden Management Journal
This is the Amazing and Mystical
Adventure of Ren the Starchild,
who in living her life and getting married,
created more Enchanted Garden
on Earth for all of us.
Today I am Planting My Dream.
Today I am Planting a Beautiful Tomorrow!
So write out for yourself
how the wedding is going to come out...
the way you want it!
They plant that with the literal seeds
of Job's Tears.
I will back you up here in this Enchanted Garden.
Just drop me an email when you plant.
You do not have to share you Seed Dream with me
unless you want to. That is written very intimately
and privately, honestly...
You can share it if that is your style...
I sometimes share them, sometimes keep them quiet.
That is a Seed Dream about the Car.
I love that Seed Dream about the Car!
Write that up...and plant it.....that is how
Planting Your Dream works!