- Its My Blog and I'll Cry if I Want to!! by Karlin
12 y
11,050 3 Messages Shown
Blog: Path of my Life
There is a point to all this whining, but first the whining:
"I dug a hole for myself, with some help from people who are greedy and selfish and not very sympathetic to those of us with chronic pain illnesses.
I have allways been able to drag myself out of holes before, but not this time. I am just so utterly depressed that I simply could not lift a finger to save myself.
It is beginning to rain hard now, and this hole is filling up. I am not able to move. The end, should it come soon, would be welcomed instead of resisted."
That kind of depression usually has a concurrent decrease in certain brain chemicals, like a reactive thing.
Other kinds of depression occur BECAUSE those brain chemicals are not being produced. This is what they are calling "clinical depression", from what I understand.
"Real depression" is due to life problems, and "clinical depression" is due to brain chemistry. They both end up being sustained by the depressed brain chemistry; They both have the same physical symptoms, they are both terrible.
As we are learning now, the antidepressant pills that were developed over the past 5 or 6 decades were never really meant for the "life depressed" cases, just the "clinically depressed" ones.
After all, when life's problems are hopeless and it gets us down, simply painting a happy face on the patient won't solve the problems - they need real life solutions... feeling okay might just get in the way.
Or, feeling depressed might get in the way. Once that chemistry is set up, things seem hopeless and I go limp.
If I could lift my head out over the top of this hole I am in, I would see that other people have much bigger problems and they are not sitting in the bottom of a wet hole.
Or would that just depress me more?
About the only thing I know is that when I take any antidepressant pills, and I have tried several for several weeks each, I feel like a dishrag. I don't eat at all. I can barely move my legs. In short, it is worse on the pills.
I suppose those antidepressant pills work best on the brain chemisty that comes on it's own, and not from life's problems. Perhaps they should only be prescribed for those patients.
As for me....
"The rain has turned to snow now. Cold makes my pains worse, and I am really hurting as well as depressed and overwhelmed"
"I think what started my depression was two things, one in my personal life and one in the outside world:
1] my personal problem is that I am disabled by chronic pain, and I lost everything I had worked towards, plus I cannot do much of anything now. Financial problems arose because of my disability too, and recently some jerks stole money that I have to pay back and I don't have much money to work with since I live on $400/mo. after the rent is paid.
2] the outside world is lunatic -
There are environmental problems because corporations are allowed to pollute without paying for their garbage disposal. How is that fair?
Everbody seems so poor these days, but corporations and big banks are doing better than ever. How is that fair?
The Occupy Wall Street protests were our last best hope and they seem to have fizzled out. I blame myself because I never got involved enough, I never went to the streets... because of my disability.
People much wealthier than I am are falling over each other in their efforts to make sure I do not get the inheritance money my dear deceased mother left for me.
Ahh, and in those last two that the two lines cross. Being disabled, I am too useless to even help save this world [but it is so full of jackasses anyhow, so maybe I don't care...]
"And now the snow is freezing the water, and I am being cuccooned by an icy tomb, and as I lose sensation in my hands and feet I begin to feel warm inside - the first sign of hypothermia - and I am glad. This will be over soon."
Didja ever have days like this?
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Karlin
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