Another beautiful day I was able to wake and breathe the sweet air of Mother Nature.
It has been a good day. I have gotten much needed rest and I had some very interesting dreams. I have been searching for meaning in them as they are not disturbing, but insightful. In the dream I had today, it was a lucid dream. I was in a home I recently bought and it wasn’t in great shape, but it did show my great sense of style! It was decorated beautifully and I was showing the place to a friend and as I walked, I thought, this place is not good enough. Then as if my soul spoke to me, I heard “that is IT! That is what you do. By what standard do you judge yourself and deem yourself to be inadequate?” That is the feeling I got… something like a jolt. And that jolt is real. I find that most of us have self-defeating self talk that is reminding us how good we are NOT. Who the hell is this person?!?!?! As of today I banish this weak crybaby energy vampire out of my thoughts and my Queendom! Out! OUT I say!!!!
How can we expect to grow and hear the guidance that we are blessed with in every moment if we are constantly measuring ourselves against a scale we can never beat. Whose idea of perfection have we mistakenly aligned ourselves with?? If my only job is to live, I intend to do just that without all the damn illusions of inadequacy. We are all perfect just the way we are right where we are. I am changing my name to Fabulous Perfectina! Why the hell don’t we all feel fabulously wonderful all the time??? Really… if you think about it… Happiness is a choice and it feels really good. Like SEX!!! I love sex and I love being happy even more..(well…uhhh..I think I like it more)! Come with me and let us be thankful and grateful for all that is... and enjoy it. Damn I am tired of being stressed and tired of being stressed about being tired!
Now that I have finished my moral for the day…I know…I know.. but I can’t help myself.
I realized I must stop staring at myself in the damn mirror.. Yes, it is true, I am beautiful! But I have come to understand that I can’t measure inches, centimeters or detox reduction by vision alone. I didn’t buy a scale because I didn’t want to be obsessed with weight loss, but I must admit.. it has been nagging me in the back of my mind. I intend to relax and continue to focus on enjoying this process. I want to focus on JOY! (Message!!)
Not too much hunger today, but I must confess… I can not tell a lie! I look forward to the enema everyday, not because it feels soo good, :-) but because I want to see all that sh!t come out! Get out! GET OUT I say! I actually feel lighter and it makes me want to eat healthier because who the hell wants to walk around with 50 pounds of crap inside of you that you ate back in 2005! My skin still looks dry like uncooked pie crust and no amount of lotion has soothed me. I have almost drowned myself with water so I don’t know what the problem is. I am going to lather up in some extra virgin olive oil…that should help make me shine shine shine!
I have been thinking about what I will eat, I looked up some vegitarian recipies. This means I am going to have to learn how to cook. For some reason, I have started to have some fears about how I will eat because I am embarking on something very very new. I intend to learn much more about raw foods and transitioning to a vegitarian diet and I welcome any advice.
My breath is smelling better today… now I can talk to people without first singeing my own nose hairs!
As you can see, I am feeling good. I have made several new commitments to myself. I am going to write everyday when I first wake up, which is going to be interesting because I don’t like getting up in the morning anyway…but we must do what we must do.
My second commitment is that I am going to take myself on a date once a week. I am going to do things I have never done and they will range from the simple venture to a vintage shop, craft store, ethnic restaurant… whatever. I am going to awaken my inner adventurer and explore!
My third commitment is that I am actually going to finish reading 1 book. This is big for me because I am somewhat of a book whore (yes I said whore)… I LOVE BOOKS. My wish list on Amazon is 18 pages long! (Don’t laugh) I will put a book down for the next best hardcover and never finish the other off. Since I am working on focusing.. this will be a good start.
I think I have revealed enough of myself for one day. Hope I made you laugh, smile, cry and say Ahaaa!
i know what you mean but sometimes it is just not that easy to let go of all the things we thought were important and focus on the things that are. its all about checks and balances making sure we are working towards the life we want and chose it rather than just let things be...oh.i now how true this is.....its...just tricky! worth it...but tricky. fasting is a great way to take the time to think about these things.
you are doing so great i love readign how people dwelve into so much of themselves while fasting. i look out for your blog each day to see whats new with you. congrats and keep it up look forward to hearing that you finally finished a book!
THANK YOU!!! I am glad you are reading my blog because as I told you, your experience has given me much strength and motivation. I know you can relate and I want to say congrats to you for making it thru a Friday! :-) I read yours when I first started.. then when I saw you can back (and I mean this) my mouth dropped and I said "Shes back!"
I love this site because I have found so much support and it is nice to be able to share all the parts of you and know its appreciated and respected.
I had to laugh because I don't remember saying I was going to write a book..but that is one of my intentions, writing this blog has helped me renew my passion to write!
Fasting, as I know you know.. has been such an interesting journey.. a journey into my own mind and spirit.
I look forward to your post as well. If you can, can you talk a bit about how you transitioned to raw and more vegitarian meals because I have no idea where to start.
Speaking of a new home, I just saw the most beautiful kitchen in a Better Homes & Gardens magazine! It was a pale aqua with brushed aluminum trim & appliances, light wood floors, frosted cabinets, and an abalone tile backdrop. When I saw the photograph it was almost like walking into my own kitchen; classically sleek, modern, simple and pretty! There was even one of my favorite bottled waters, Acqua Panna, sitting right on the countertop like it was waiting for me! I have yet to find the photograph on the internet. Here is another photograph of abalone tiles. Simply gorgeous!
I perfectly understand about your reading and focusing. I, too, have had a bit of a challenge with reading an entire book. Things were a bit topsy turvy in my life! No problem; sometimes that happens. I was reading an incredible book entitled ~ the curious incident of the dog in the night-time: a novel by mark haddon, and got about half way through and then had to return it. I have now picked up my very own copy and am so glad that I can pick up where I left off with it! This book is such a joy to read; even the cover of it makes me smile! It is bright red (my new-old favorite color!) and it has an upside-down cutout of a black standard poodle on it. Sometimes I giggle because there is a moment when I pick the book up and I am not sure if it is upside-down or right-side up! What a great metaphor for life, eh? I was immediately hooked by this book the moment I first opened it to read it because it begins with Chapter 2. I like that because I'm all for creative ways of breaking rules! Who says a book has to begin with Chapter 1?! My curiosity was quickly laid to rest when the author revealed, shortly into the book, that the chapters are all prime numbers! Imagine that! And this is a story about a boy with asperger's syndrome; a condition whereby Asperger himself called his patients his "little professors". It is truly one of the most brilliant books that I have ever read! I am just so thrilled that I now have my own copy and can finally finish this story! And I have already begun writing my own stories, as well!
It sounds like we share a number of similar interests. I love to cook (although I am not "raw" or a vegetarian), and to try all sorts of new things! I, too, have started my own new To Do list, and something that I am going to do soon is get a new-old tattoo! I was going to have an old tattoo removed and I've decided that I am going to transform the old one instead! I also used to have trouble with waking in the morning, and now it is not a problem at all. So know that there is definitely hope for this resolving for you. And best of luck to you with all your new exploring! I love adventures!! Thanks for your post, and much love and support right back at you!!!
CureZone
